S3E8 - What's it Like When Your Baby Finds YOU! w/ Keisha

Episode 8 June 19, 2024 00:35:19
S3E8 - What's it Like When Your Baby Finds YOU! w/ Keisha
Start to Finish Motherhood with Aisha
S3E8 - What's it Like When Your Baby Finds YOU! w/ Keisha

Jun 19 2024 | 00:35:19

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Hosted By

Aisha Jenkins

Show Notes

In this episode Aisha sits down with Keisha to discuss her inspiring and tumultuous journey to motherhood. From navigating fertility challenges to finding donor embryos and ultimately turning to adoption, Keisha shares her story of perseverance, community support, and unwavering determination. Listen in to learn from her experiences, hear her advice for single mothers by choice, and discover the joy she found in finally becoming a mom.

Follow Start to Finish Motherhood on Instagram or email Aisha to keep the conversation going! 

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Episode Transcript

[00:00:04] Speaker A: Welcome to start to finish motherhood, a podcast for those thinking or already single mothers by choice. Just looking for practical advice for navigating life's relationships. When you decide to have children on your own, it doesn't mean that you're completely alone. I'm Aisha Jenkins, and I'm partnering with you every step of your journey. [00:00:25] Speaker B: Hi, everybody. I am here today to have a very special conversation with a member of our community, and I believe I followed your story kind of like from start to where you are now. It is an absolute joy for me to have walked beside you and witnessed your journey. So I'm here today with Kesha, and Keisha is going to tell us a little bit about her single mother by choice journey and where she is now and then how you prepared for your journey. [00:00:59] Speaker C: Hey, everybody, I am Keisha. I live in Ohio. Cleveland, specifically. My journey has been crazy and long. Probably like three or four years ago, right when the pandemic was getting started, I was like, you know what? I want to be a mother. And if I don't make a move now, I never will. So I decided I'm going to do some IUI type things. I'm going to find a known donor. It'll be fine. I got some letrozole to help me ovulate. I thought it was going to be great. It was not. I did that a few times, then changed fertility clinics, and they're like, you've got a lot of fibroids and they're in your uterus. So then we go to a myomectomy, and I get that done and go months and months and months. And then as things were just not working, I ended up shifting to, okay, so my eggs aren't great. I need something, donor tissue. However, I didn't really have money, so I was like, all right. So I start my researching, and I find donor embryos, and donor embryos don't cost money because it's a donation. Then I quickly found that it is really hard to find black and brown embryos. The first place I landed was this place called Barbados Fertility center. And it seemed really great because all they had were black and brown embryos. And I was like, oh, this will be great. Then started crunching the numbers, and I was like, I can't afford to go there and to pay for things and all of that. And then I thought, well, maybe I transfer the embryos here to the US. And then, you know, fertility clinics, like, no, we won't take them. Meanwhile, I get myself connected on some different websites. For people looking for donor tissue, some websites specifically for women of color, and connected with a woman who had 29 embryos that she wanted to donate. So we connected and we landed on four embryos because I only wanted one kid and it was fine in my head, I always wanted a little girl. So these embryos were not tested. They didn't know the gender. I was like, well, they've got to be girls. Just is what it is. So went through all of that and it is quite a process to do a transfer of ownership for embryos. Lots of costs and shipping and things like that. I do all of that and get my first donor embryo transfer and it took for about six weeks. And then, you know, that was obviously really, really rough. And of course, in my clinics, like, well, at least we know you can get pregnant, which I guess, but still it was not, not great. And then what followed after that were the three remaining embryos. I tried to use them and none of them took. In the meantime, I needed to drum up some money. So this is also where I got super, super creative and found a group called Gift of Parenthood. And when I connect with gifts of parenthood, they had a few different options, but they were just shifting to this new option where they would do just essentially a raffle and they would pull your name and you would get an amount of money. So I think I paid like $25 for the entries and I was like, you know, we'll see what happens. I got an email from gift of Parenthood saying that they had chosen me for the $10,000 grant that helped pay for those subsequent three embryo transfers. The embryo that took was January of 2022, I think. So then, you know, went through all those other embryos and all that. And then I ended up with a job at Amazon, I want to say November of 22, went there for the first day, realized it wasn't for me. But the very interesting thing about Amazon, and I don't know if this is still the case, their benefits started on day one. So I had this progeny insurance. With that, I was able to purchase a lot of eight donor eggs and then the three vials of donor sperm, which was super exciting because I'm like, okay, and now I can test them. So we created these wonderful embryos. We got five total embryos. I was able to get them genetically tested. That was all covered by that progeny, which was awesome. It also covered some testing for me and era just to see what was going on with my body and the medication. It did turn out that the timing of the progesterone wasn't right and all of that. So lots and lots of testing, lots of things were covered, I think out of pocket. I may have spent like $1,000, which is amazing. Donor eggs, donor sperm, making the embryos, getting the testing. Like, oh, my gosh, I could not be more grateful for that. So if you remember, I said I always wanted a little girl. So, you know, find out the gender. There's one little girl and four boys, and the one girl was genetically normal. Unfortunately, that transfer didn't take. Now, what I had started to experience during my transfers were just lots and lots of physical pain and emotional pain. And as I was going through that last transfer, I had found out that I have clotting disorder, so I had to take blood thinners and then the progesterone in oil and the estrogen. The estrogen was making my fibroids grow. It was just awful. And I would get such pain in, like, my uterus and my pelvic area that I was like, if this one doesn't take, I'm done. Like, I can't do it anymore. And so it didn't take. And I felt very good about saying that this. I tried everything I could and I couldn't do it. And that's okay. Like, I had to come to the realization that it doesn't happen for everybody that way. I had some. A few days where I was really upset. I'm like, what am I going to do? And like, literally within a week, I shifted. I was like, focused on adoption. And of course I'm checking in with my therapist because I was like, I feel like this isn't healthy that I've made such a pivot so quickly. And she was like, you know, when you're done, you're done, and that's okay. So that was then, like June, I pivoted to adoption. I started doing home study paperwork in June, and then July we had this training. My sister actually came in town to go with me for this three day training, which was really, really nice. So the agency I landed with was great. The funny thing is, during the training was probably about twelve couples. All of them are caucasian. You've got some same sex couples, some trans couples, lots of different types of people, which was awesome, but no other black people. So the director of the agency, on the last day of the training, stands up in front of everybody and points to me and says, she will be matched very quickly, she will not wait long. And I was like, oh, okay. So I was like, well, that's awesome. And I had already peeped out the website to look at things. And initially, one of my concerns was that I don't see anybody who looks like me. None of the staff, none of the waiting parents. Turns out that was to my advantage, because when I asked them about it, they're like, we don't get a lot of black families that come in to adopt, and when we get them, they don't stay long. 40% of our birth moms want someone of color, so, you know, they've got this huge waiting list. So I finished my home study process in two months when they said it would take six, and they did not put me on the waiting list, they immediately put me on the website. So by the time I had finished my profile and everything and they had that published, it was the end of September. So then I just wait. I plan a wonderful vacation with my family because I need beaches, and beaches need me. My sister's like, what if you get a baby? And I kept saying, I won't, because this baby knows that I need a vacation. So I took my vacation, which happened to be a wedding of a family member. That was beginning of November. I got back, and a week later, I got a call about a birth mother who was due mid February, had chosen me. I go to meet this birth mother. She's super. She has three kids that she's kept, one she's already placed for adoption. She hadn't had any prenatal care. She said she was due middle of February. She didn't know the gender. And in my head, I was like, oh, I feel like she's due the end of January. So, you know, we're kind of trucking right along. And then one day, I was like, communication has really stopped with her. She's not reaching out to me. So, of course, I reach out to the agency, and they're like, all right, let us check into it. And then, sure enough, she texted me, and she was like, I've decided to parent this child. I need to do what's best for me, which I absolutely applaud. And I am so glad that the agency supported her in that and gave her the resources she needed suffered for me. But what it did is that it solidified that I chose the right agency. So December 15 of 23, I find out that she is going to parent, and the agency is like, well, do you want us to. Do you want to hold off on being on the website? I was like, no, put me back on. It's fine. I had a couple of really bad days because it really sucked. Then I went to go visit my family for Christmas, had a nice time, you know, whatever. And I was just like, well, baby's going to come. And I was like, I still feel like there's a January baby. I thought it was the end of January because my birthday's the end of January. My dad's birthday is early February. I was like, it's going to be right at that time because everybody else in my family had fall birthdays. So I said, this is what's going to happen. So I got an email from the agency the day before I left to come home, and it was the agency director, and she was like, can we schedule a Zoom call? So match with this birth mom. And from the beginning, it did not feel right. So this is birth mom number two. I never actually met her. She was super demanding to the agency, and she would only meet with me on one particular time at, like, noon on a Tuesday. She wasn't flexible about that at all. But then what I was then starting to hear is the agency trying to be as diplomatic as possible is that she was giving everybody their hard time and was going through social worker after social worker after social worker. Hearing the way that this birth mother was talking to the people at the agency, I was just like, absolutely not. I cannot do that. It's not fair to the agency, and it's setting myself up for baby mama drama. So January 5, I contacted the agency, and I was like, you know what? I need to terminate this match. My baby will come. So then that weekend, I'm healing from surgery, whatnot, feeling good. And throughout the weekend, my daughter had gotten a few little things there, had a few little clothes, and had a car seat that was still in the box in my dining room. So I did. Over the weekend. I was maybe, let's just start washing those baby clothes, because I'm going to have a baby end of January. And so I said, no, Keisha, that's a little too much. And then I was, maybe I should take the car seat out of the box. But then I was, no. Because then I felt it was bad luck because I'd had so many failures and so many roadblocks. So then Sunday night, go to bed. I have to work in the morning, in the middle of the night, kid, you not. I wake up with this strong urge, like, you have got to take this car seat out of the box. You have got to install the car seat. Well, I like my sleep. So I was like, I'm not about to wake up in the middle of the night to do this. That's crazy. But I was like, eh, I'll do it after work. I was working at home that day, so do do do do do do. Agency calls me at 01:00 that day. Monday, January 8. And they're like, and so here's me answering the phone. I was like, oh, I was expecting you to call. And they're like, excuse me. I was like, I don't know. Like, something told me to put this car seat base in. So I'm thinking I've matched with a birth mom who's due at the end of the month, and they're like, nope. Baby has been born. The baby was born January 6. The birth mom has chosen you. So, you know, they gave me kind of the rundown. Then they're like, you know, tell us what you think. So I did a little research on some of the things that she had been exposed to. Talk to my sister, and as I'm talking to her, I'm literally packing a bag. So then I called them back, and I was like, yep. And they were literally like, she needs her mommy. So by 03:00 I was at the hospital, and I met my baby girl. She was born on January 6, and. And I met her on January 8. [00:14:18] Speaker B: Aw, congratulations. [00:14:22] Speaker C: I thought that she was gonna be born at the end of January, but I guess she was born at the beginning of January. She was born four weeks early. [00:14:29] Speaker B: Yes. I love it. I love it. All right, now. How are you doing? [00:14:34] Speaker C: Are you getting sleep? Of course I'm not getting sleep. I am tired, but I am good. When I was in the hospital with her, which we were in the hospital for a couple of days because they were watching a few things. I can't sleep in the daytime because the sun's out. So my body's like, you don't sleep in the daytime, so at night, you know, she. Every two, 3 hours, I'm up. It has gotten a little bit better. I think my body's getting used to sleeping in stents of two to 3 hours, but, yeah, I'm tired. [00:15:07] Speaker B: And how's baby doing? [00:15:09] Speaker C: He is doing amazingly. When she left the hospital, she was only five and a half pounds, so she was little. They were concerned that she was using too much energy to kind of fight off some things in her body. But, my goodness, she has made this huge comeback already. Like, I've connected with our bright beginnings in the state that helps with early intervention services, and they're like, she's not showing any delays at all, which is amazing. And then we just went for our one month appointment, and this little peanut gained three pounds in three weeks. So she is doing really, really well. [00:15:48] Speaker B: Okay. All right, so let's go through your prep stage. Given I know it was topsy turvy. Start stop. But how did you prep? [00:15:56] Speaker C: So I did not do a baby shower. And, like, through the whole process, as I was getting ready, people would ask me, do you want to have a baby shower? And in my head, I thought other people threw you a baby shower. So I was like, yes, I want a baby shower. And, like, in November, I had someone reach out, and they're like, should we start planning a baby shower? Is like, yes. And then in January, they're like, should we play the baby shower? And I'm like, yes. So in my mind, baby shower is getting planned. Found out that baby shower was not getting planned, so I have just planned my own. Because she needs the things. Yep. [00:16:28] Speaker B: So what has the transition been like, and what has surprised you the most? [00:16:32] Speaker C: So what has surprised me the most is that I have not freaked out. Like, I thought for certain that I was going to have a moment where I was like, what the hell am I doing? This was a big mistake. I'm not prepared. Never. I have yet to feel that, like, it feels so natural to me. What has surprised me is the people who helped as well as the people who didn't help. So the people who I thought would be there to help are nowhere to be found. And unfortunately, not helpful because when they ask if I'm sleeping, I'm like, no. And they're like, yeah, babies are like that. That's not helpful. But then also, I have a friend who is a former co worker, and I reached out to her when I was in the hospital, and I was like, this is what happened. I need a couple things. And she, literally a mother of four children, dropped everything, got me bassinets, got me, like, clothes, all of the things that I needed, and brought it to the hospital. Other things she brought to my house. So, like, that was surprising that she was just like, oh, my gosh. And literally just jumped into action. So I think that's, like, the big thing that surprised me because I did. [00:17:46] Speaker B: An episode in season two where building your community from your coworkers, and it's sometimes the place that people least look or least expect that they get the help. And it's just like, those people who are watching you excel in your career, who are cheering you on sometimes are the very people who come and cheer you on in a different aspect of your life? [00:18:06] Speaker C: Absolutely. I would say that my coworkers have been more of a support than any of the other people in my life. [00:18:13] Speaker B: So what does your support village look like? [00:18:16] Speaker C: My support. It's kind of weird because none of my family lives in this area. And initially, the plan was, my sister has a job that keeps her very busy, but also allows her to kind of be flexible in where she works. So the initial plan was my sister would just kind of come up here and be with me for a little bit. But when Hannah arrived, she was in Seattle, and then she's like, oh, I've just been on a plane. People here are sick. So I think my village is mostly my co workers at this point, believe it or not. Like, there was a woman who said, what do you need? And I was like, it's really hard to cook a meal. And so she came and brought me food, and then someone else said, what do you need? And I was like, I can't clean the house. And she's like, say less. And came here and scrubbed my bathroom and says, tell me when you want me to come back. So I think that's kind of what my village looks like. It's pretty much like friends that I've connected with over the years in the area that I live. [00:19:11] Speaker B: Okay, so from a high level perspective, what are some of the things that you had to do differently in order to see yourself to the end of your journey? [00:19:22] Speaker C: The number one thing was to stop caring what other people thought, quite frankly, like, because that is what took me so long to get into this journey, is that I was so concerned about what people would say, like, you know, a child needs to have two parents, and you should be married and all of those things. And while I don't disagree with the value of two parents and the value of marriage, that's just not so. That was the big thing, is that I had to free myself from other people's opinion, and then I kind of had to work through my own stuff. My shame of, like, why can't I find a partner? What's wrong with me? Some of you know, I struggle with some depression, anxiety things and working through that, those are kind of the things that I had to do to kind of mentally steer me down this path and then also connecting with the people who understood other SMCs, SMCs that look like me, super important, because I don't have all of the resources in the world and all of the favor of being a different color. That was super important. And then also connecting with women who struggled with their fertility. This was not, I'll just do an IUI and get pregnant. It was, there's something wrong with your uterus or something in your fallopian tube, your egg reserve as well. You've got a blood clotting disorder. So I think that was really, really important, being around people who understood and then getting rid of the voices who were negative. [00:20:47] Speaker B: Yep. And then you talked about getting creative, a couple of points in your journey. And so sometimes we think that, yes, I got this, I'm going to do all the things that people tell you to do, and sometimes it's not those things that will get it done. It's thinking differently and thinking outside of the box. [00:21:04] Speaker C: Yeah. So I think for me, I had to tunnel focus on the fact that I was meant to be a mother and how was I going to make that happen. I knew all the traditional ways, but then I had to look about, what about when that doesn't happen and what about when this roadblock comes up? So it was just a lot of different researchers researching, pivoting, turning. I think that had I not been so tunneled, focused on what I feel that God called me to be, I probably would have stopped. Honestly, I just really strongly felt like since I was a little girl, I knew I was supposed to be a mother. And with all of the things I went through with my fertility, I knew that I had to exhaust every option and know that I did it before I moved on to something else. And I did, and I feel completely okay about it, but it was really just, I had to be so tunnel focused. And I think the tunnel focus is where the creativity came in. [00:21:57] Speaker B: So even though you were tunnel focused, you still balanced living a life that felt like it was full. How did you balance it all? [00:22:07] Speaker C: So, I don't know. I just kind of did it. Like, I was like, I gotta live my life. I know I'm gonna be having this child at some point. I don't know when it's gonna be, so I better enjoy what I can while I can. I really like the beach. I need to go on vacation every year. I just need to make it happen, enjoying what I can, like, with the idea in mind that my whole life is going to change soon, so I have to get out of the whole, I can't do this, because what if I get pregnant? I think that's kind of what it was, is the realization that my life would change at some point. And so I just needed to go ahead and get to living all of those things that are way easier when it's just you. [00:22:47] Speaker B: Okay. All right, so let's delve in and help these other people who are on their single mother by choice journey. Actually, before I get to that daycare, have you decided what to do with God? [00:23:01] Speaker C: Oh, no, I haven't decided on daycare in, like, the ultimate. What I would love to have is the neighborhood grandma. Take care of her. But I don't have a neighborhood grandma. And there was one daycare that I thought we were going to go with. And, like, I contacted them before I even knew about Hannah. They're like, oh, you know, just call us back. So call them back. And they were like, oh, yeah, we don't have any spots. So now I am back to the starting point. I am super overwhelmed because in Ohio, there's a website that lists all the daycares, and it'll list, like, if they have certain certifications and things like that, but it doesn't say anything about the daycare, so I don't really know what I'm going to do. [00:23:47] Speaker B: Okay. [00:23:48] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:23:48] Speaker B: Take it one day at a time and just put your names on some waiting list and just let the chips fall when they may. [00:23:56] Speaker C: I mean, it's going to get figured out because it has to. [00:23:58] Speaker B: And when. Where you start doesn't have to be your forever daycare. Right? Yeah. Buys you some time. Okay. All right, so baby shower must have. So what's on your. Your registry as a. [00:24:12] Speaker C: Okay, so some of the things that I have gotten already because I just couldn't wait. One of them is a baby carrier, and I got the. What is that guy called? I don't know. It's called something, but it's not like the super structured one. You said it's a baby catan. That's why I kept thinking Mr. Or b. So baby Catan. And that one I really like, because, you know, at the end, I am a plus size woman, so not every carrier fits me. So I like that this one is not, like, super structured and you don't have to, like, crisscross your arms behind your back to get everything, like, fastened. So that was one thing where I was like, I can't wait, I got to get that right now. So that was super important. I do have a very fancy bassinet. I would say don't pay full price for it, but I do have a four moms bassinet. And let me tell you, that thing is amazing. It will do all sorts of motions. You can set it to at different speeds. And then it has sounds. We have settled on the shushing sound so in the middle of the night, like, when it sounds like she's starting to maybe stir up and I'm not ready, I literally just turned the sound up on the shushing, and she goes back to sleep. So that's amazing. Onesies, like the sleeper sleep and pay play onesies. Not the buttons. Buttons are not the business. You got to have zippers, preferably the two zippers. So you can unzip from the bottom, obviously, the car seat. I have, like, an actual stroller system. It's the great code nest. And I really like that because ideally, that would be the only stroller that I'd ever have. I can put the baby carrier into the stroller. I can switch out a toddler seat. I can make it forwards, backwards. I can make the baby close to me, farther away. That one's super helpful. Just a diaper bag would be nice. I did not have that. So that first doctor's appointment was weird. I am currently swearing by pamper swaddlers because they hold all of the things in bottles. I have Doctor Brown's bottles. I really like those because they've got this venting system. They're a big, fat pain in the butt to wash, but it kind of minimizes the whole breathing and air thing. What else? Pacifiers. So I had a couple of pacifiers that I thought she would like. She didn't particularly care for them. And then I had ordered some doctor Brown's bottles, like it was a gift set. And it had a doctor Brown's pacifier. Same nipple as the bottle. Those things are golden. I've got one in the bassinet upstairs, one in the bassinet downstairs. I have one that is attached to her car seat, and then I have an extra one for when one drops. So those are great. Probably all of my big must haves that I needed right away. I definitely want to get the hatch rest sound machine. I have this skip hop wipeable changing pad. It's amazing. Is it a little expensive? Yes. Is it worth it? Absolutely. Because you just wipe off all the stuff and you keep going. And then the baby tub I have will tell you the temperature of the water, but also the weight of the baby. So that's super cool. It's aquascale or something like that. I think those are all, like, the big. Oh, diaper genies as I'm looking at them. So my house is two stories. [00:27:46] Speaker B: So. [00:27:46] Speaker C: So I have one upstairs and one downstairs. And let me tell you, they're a lifesaver. And they can hold in a whole lot of seats? Oh, yeah. [00:27:57] Speaker B: Yeah. Okay. So what I heard was on your list of your registry is a diaper bag. [00:28:04] Speaker C: So initially, my color scheme was kind of gray and neutral because before I wasn't sure it was going to be a girl, but now it's gray and pink in her room. The walls are actually gray and white. I painted her room in September. On the registry, there's some blackout curtains. One is like gray with pink stars and one is pink with silver stars. Pretty much everything's like, kind of that pink and gray. I like the whole stars theme. I was having such a hard time because I picked a theme a long time ago, and I don't particularly care for all of the animals and things like that. [00:28:38] Speaker B: Okay, and so what are some costs that you recommend single mothers by choice consider for that first year daycare. [00:28:49] Speaker C: So here in Ohio, the cheapest I have seen, like, for in home daycare, $190 a week. There was one place that I looked at where it was going to be more than my mortgage and car payment combined. Crazy. So definitely that. And then if you end up formula feeding, you got to take that into consideration. I just found out that Hannah's got a milk allergy, so now she's on this hypoallergenic formula, and that is super expensive, so just be prepared for that. As far as diapers, honestly, I have maybe bought two boxes of diapers. People keep bringing me diapers, and diapers are on my registry, so I wouldn't necessarily be concerned about diapers and wipes. You also don't really need to be concerned about clothes. So I would say formula daycare, those are the big things. [00:29:46] Speaker B: Yeah. I definitely think diapers was something I had to budget in for as a monthly expense, which I didn't think I had to. And I think it was around probably like 100 5160. [00:30:02] Speaker C: Jesus. [00:30:05] Speaker B: Yeah. There's a time where they increase in size, and I think size two was the one that I requested the most just because that was the longest fan of diaper size that they were in. And I still to this day, I used to get wipes by the caseload, and I still probably have, like, two packets of wipes that I still use because wipes can go for everything. So definitely that daycare, diapers was an align item in my budget holidays. The thing that I still struggle with, I will say, and I'm like, nine years in, is trying to keep up on shoes. Like, I try to keep shoes, new shoes in the house, seasonal clothes. Like, it's still taking a while for me to adjust to having to buy clothes by the core. And so what I do is I just buy clothes for two seasons, spring and fall, and then they stretch until summer. They stretch until winter. But I think that that is starting to help me better manage. Good to know. [00:31:12] Speaker C: Like, because I haven't had that yet. And when she was born, because she was so little, we had to. I had to really quickly get some pre made clothes. And a lot of people got me things that are like, three to six months. Cause they're like, she'll be in it before you know it. And, you know, she's six weeks now and she's in zero to three. So, like, I still. Yes. Yeah. [00:31:31] Speaker B: Okay, so what resources did you find helpful along the way in your journey? [00:31:37] Speaker C: Google was a good resource. Definitely different Facebook groups, like start to finish motherhood. There are some fertility support groups and, you know, local. There isn't really a local SMC in Ohio, but, like, those type of groups were where I was able to get a lot of information once I shifted to adoption, there were some adoption specific websites that were particularly for African Americans, and that was super helpful to get to connect with people and hear other people's stories. I think those were great resources for me. [00:32:18] Speaker B: All right, is there anything else that you would want folks to know about your story? Single mothers by choice? Anybody? [00:32:28] Speaker C: I think it's a story of something that's God ordained. I would not have it any other way. There is no way in the world that you can convince me that Hannah is not my child. I loved her the second that I saw her. I know that some people have that whole, like, well, this is a nice baby, but I didn't have that. I just immediately went into mom mode. Yeah, it's amazing. Hannah is not the name that was given by her birth mother. The reason why I chose the name Hannah. In the Bible, there is a woman named Hannah who suffered with infertility, and she prayed to God to say, if you would give me a child, I would give him back to you. And that child was Samuel. I named her Hannah for her. And then her middle name is Grace, which means unmerited favor. That's important to know. So my takeaway message is that it is possible and adoption is possible. It is expensive, but it's possible. And for a person of color, it's possible, and it's quicker needed. [00:33:29] Speaker B: Yes. I will say, having been in this community ten plus years, I would say that almost everybody who has started on the journey has eventually found their child, got connected with their child, and it's just understanding that you have to start in order to get to your child and that's all that matters. [00:33:54] Speaker C: I could say I had all these years of delays, but really it was just me getting myself mentally and emotionally prepared for my child who wasn't conceived until May of 23. So it felt like it at that time, but really it was just preparing me for what was to come. [00:34:14] Speaker B: Yep, preparing you to be Hannah's long so, Keisha, thank you for joining me today. And thank you so much for sharing your story. I'm grateful to have seen you through the entire journey and to see the look on your face now that you are on the other side, and it does nothing but warm my heart. [00:34:43] Speaker A: Thanks for listening to start to finish motherhood with Aisha if you want to keep the conversation going, follow start to finish motherhood on Instagram or email [email protected] if you love this episode, please share it with anyone who's thinking of becoming a single mother by choice, anyone who's already parenting as a single mother by choice and just looking for advice on navigating it all, or a friend or family member who's looking to support someone else's single mother by choice journey. Until next time. Bye now.

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