Episode Transcript
So we are back with part two of our conversation with Dina. The astronaut. And we're going to just pick up where we left off.
I had choices of who could be my kid's. Godmom. And I was intentional about choosing someone because it is a gift to nurture. A child, right? Whether it's your own or anybody else's. Like I look at other SMCs children and I feel blessed just being able to, to talk to their kids and [00:01:00] you know, who can you be a blessing to that gonna honor, you know, where you are, honor the boundaries, you honor them, you respect them, you love them, but also give them this gift of being a part of your kids' lives.
And like you said, it's those moments where you see the humanity. Like, we're kind of in the same place. Your family's not close. My family's not close, but let's build and let's be in this moment and just connect and
And that's also, I'm praying that I'm teaching my son that, there's goodness that comes from having good relationships being a contributor to those relationships, in a healthy way.
Like for instance the gentleman who would drive us, to school, every day he has offered to take us to church and he mentioned just in passing that it was his son's birthday and his son is developmentally delayed. So Caleb is now getting exposure to children and adults with.[00:02:00]
Types of disabilities or abilities or belief systems mm-hmm. . Mm-hmm. and I can help him understand what that looks like. And so yesterday when we went to church, I gave Caleb a card and we decorated it and we gave it to My driver's son just to say, hey, , yes, it is great when people acknowledge our birthdays, but it's also good and great when we're able to acknowledge their birthdays.
And so just those little bitty lessons mm-hmm. I'm hoping that I'm imparting to him. Mm-hmm.
Being a part of this SMC, it's just taught me. to really realize what I can contribute in different and unique ways. Mm-hmm. and how we benefit from others in unique in different ways. yeah.
So I knew when I was putting together the episodes for this season that I definitely wanted to have you come on and talk, but what's your reason?
We've had kind of scattered conversations [00:03:00] but I know you have a message, you have a reason, kind of standing firm and saying, no, this is how we build belonging, into spaces. Mm-hmm. . So can you tell me a little bit about that?
So oh my goodness.
So when I started looking into this I, I realized so many. preconceived notions and assumptions I had about this whole process., I think we all know of single mothers by circumstance mm-hmm. and how that, can look, in daily life of trying to develop healthy co-parenting relationships and that sort of thing.
But that wasn't my situation, that wasn't, you know and when I went into this, I didn't find initially very many women of color who were doing this. And so by coming here, I wanted to be just one more example of [00:04:00] a black woman who. Made a choice of what life can look like and how, motherhood can look like that is mm-hmm.
Fulfilling and healthy. It is challenging. I am not gonna lie about that. Mm-hmm. , mm-hmm. Path that can lead to a whole new different adventure. But I know when I first looked into this, , five or six years ago, I don't think there was a SMCs
group. Not, not yet. Not yet.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah,
yeah. And, you know, and how I found out about an SMC community was through a coworker and her name is Shivonalin and I knew that she was a mother. . I noticed she was like taking leaves and going to these trainings and I'm liken, what's happening? And we started relation, getting to know each other.
And she's like, well, I'm adopting. And I was like, what is this? You say you, cause I had been thinking about it, [00:05:00] but I hadn't really verbalized the yet. Uhhuh. . And so I saw her go through the process of adopting her son, and she was my first contact into, or having someone who looked like me mm-hmm.
who was in a similar place career-wise and who was choosing this crazy idea. Right. And so there was a level of sisterhood that came from that. Mm-hmm. . And then we started, Creating these groups of women who were thinking about adopting and what that looks like, because fertility is certainly one community that you can get connected with.
Mm-hmm. and adoption is another. Yeah. Cause there are certainly some very practical, philosophical questions that come with both, but also that element of, I did not find very many women of color initially on the web who were doing this. Mm-hmm. . I think when I [00:06:00] first went into this, I felt a little sense of shame that Okay, I, I didn't want this to be seen as the last resort, you know?
Right, right. Because we come to it with a lot of baggage, you know? Right. Mm-hmm. Because. I was taught when I was, you know, 10, 11 years old, that I'm gonna grow up and get married and, and have children. And this is how you do it. Yes. This is the route that you take. And here I am, I also did not find people with disabilities who were also choosing this. Right. And I realized that I had my own sense of privilege to begin asking those questions. I knew that being a blind mother, that was very much possible. There are blind parents organizations out there. Right.
Okay. So I knew there was possible, but most of the profile of those individuals were that they were married. Mm-hmm. . And so that's where, Coming here and sharing, you know, even just a glimpse of what life looks [00:07:00] like for me, I wanna be able to provide an example of what it looks like for someone with a disability to practically do this on a day-to-day basis.
Yes, my answers and solutions may not be the same for someone else, but I wanna be able to say it is possible. It does take having a support network that you can build and form over time. Mm-hmm. . But having a disability should not be a, a barrier. To really achieving something that you may deeply desire.
Yes. Does that kinda make sense? You know, it, it does.
It does.
And I don't wanna be seen as like this, this superwoman now Uhhuh, you know, pulling off this past weekend, pulling off, getting the two birthday parties in one day. I definitely felt like Superwoman, you know, . So to, to get the logistics down to where we could go to two birthday parties in one day and not [00:08:00] fall apart.
Yes. I needed a Cape look and all of
that, you know, that was, that was me last week. I'm like, no, no. Dina, you are Superwoman. Yes you are. Because.
But it, is that, that, that up and down of being a mom, you have these moments where you are superwoman, but you do have those moments that you're like, how do I even get out of bed and function?
Yeah. And that is just the normal balancing of what motherhood is. Mm-hmm. . But I'm so thankful for the level of normalcy that I have. So when I'm talking as a blind mom to you as a sighted mom mm-hmm. . Mm-hmm. , we have common experiences Yes. You know, that bring us together and provide that, that that commonality.
My experience as a blind mom doesn't have to be so different than what any other woman experie.
So branching off of that. What can the Single, [00:09:00] Mother by Choice spaces do to foster a sense of belonging ?
I think,
Looking at if you're standing at a conferences, setting up meetings, maybe thinking who's not there. Mm-hmm. who is not represented. Right. Does it seem to cater more towards women who are married? And if single women aren't there, Then make an intentional effort to reach out,
mm-hmm. and saying, Hey, we want to set up a space that reflects the full spectrum of what life can be like, whether we're talking about women's issues or mm-hmm. or reproductive issues or motherhood or education mm-hmm. . And, you I think definitely I love when I see statements like that of saying, Hey, we know that we can do more mm-hmm.
to be inclusive. We would invite people to come in and, and share with us ways that we can kind of extending that invitation so that it signals a level of openness. That's one thing. [00:10:00] I know when I see a conference or a community say, Hey let us know if you need any kind of accommodation or any assistance, or let us know how we can make it easier for you to participate.
Then that also speaks to, me saying, Hey you know I may a need, a little assistance, so that I know that I'm at a pretty good location. Mm-hmm. That again signals a level of openness for someone who has a different journey to come in and participate and be contributing.
I think also communities, being open to folks coming in and contributing in different ways. Mm-hmm. . So for myself And I'm at the beginning of learning what school life is gonna be like and how, I can contribute, but I hear a lot in a lot of blindness spaces that a lot of volunteer opportunities are very much centered around driving somewhere.
[00:11:00] Mm-hmm. . But if you're organizing opportunities to engage, know that there can be a lot of different ways to volunteer. Mm-hmm. . So for instance, I'm setting up a fundraiser for my son's PTAs, you know, organization. Mm-hmm . One way that I can contribute is I can plan and organize events. I can call and ask and email.
That is something I can easily
do. I'm making notes. I'm making notes cause. I got ideas.
Okay, go ahead. Yep. Yep. So I can contribute in different ways that compliment what somebody else, who maybe is a baker and can bake, you know, 25, you know, cupcakes. You know, I am not a baker . Right. Right. You know, I am someone that can call and work out the logistics because that is something that I have to manage and do all the time.
It's become, you know, kind of my superpower, you know? Right, right. Mm-hmm. that I feel stronger in. So I would say those being [00:12:00] open to to, well, for one, realizing who may not be there in the space that you're setting up mm-hmm. and kind of reaching out and saying, Hey, we, want to ensure that we're not un intentionally excluding people.
One of the things that I do appreciate about my school is that they do have a bunch of different ways for parents to get involved.
Like, you know, when my daughter was in kindergarten, it was like, come read to the kids. , you know, or we're having like the kindergarten party, we need some parents to bring stuff. We need some parents to chaperone and be there in the classroom. We need parents to do this. So some parents might not have the money to purchase, but they have the time, right?
Some parents might not have the time, but they have the money. Some parents might not be able to get away from work, but other parents do. And so that, that was one of the
Right. Asking where people may need assistance in participating. You know and then also diversifying the ways that people can be involved. Even now, as you know, my [00:13:00] plate is full with a three and a half year old. So while in the past I was able to lead Girl Scout troops and lead a robotics team, I can't make that level of commitment at this point in my life.
But because I do have flexibility with my work mm-hmm. , I can come and do a speaking engagement with a classroom, , during the day , on certain occasions or maybe informally mentor a student. So that is a way that I can still kind of feed my own passion areas. Mm-hmm. in a way that fits in with what my life is demanding of me as a single mom of a three and a half preschooler.
So, So thank you for that. Let's talk about your work for a little bit. So I wanna put in a little bit of a teaser that I am in awe. I am a biologist by education. I'm in the stem, I'm into physics. I'm into chemistry. [00:14:00] And so when I found out that you are budding, astronaut , but I'm like, oh my gosh, tell me more.
And I know my daughter would be like, in awe, like, what?
Tell us a little bit about what you do mm-hmm. and your latest adventure.
So I am very lucky and blessed to work for NASA in their space technology mission directorate.
Essentially on a day-to-day, we are making investments in research and development for concepts and ideas and technology and innovations that will fuel our larger missions down the line. So that can span a whole area of Solar design or different additive manufacturing materials or even nanotechnology.
And so we try to reach out to academia, [00:15:00] to small businesses and even to individuals, just regular people who may have ideas on how NASA's work can be enhanced by their early ideas and early technology readiness level effort. So that is what I do on a day-to-day basis. It's kinda exciting.
Yes. Now tell us about your latest adventure. .
Okay. So we all know, we probably have seen it where William Shatner and others have gone into the space tourism business. They've gone up into space with the idea that we will be living and working and exploring space to a further degree than just let's.
NASA's astronaut core. Mm-hmm. . And so as this has been expanded to regular citizens becoming astronauts of sorts, the question has certainly come, well, what about people with [00:16:00] disabilities? And so there is an organization called Astra Access who has been partnering with organizations like Zero G, Virgin Galactic, blue Origins Sierra Space, a number of different companies to answer that question of how will people with disabilities engage in space exploration?
So they set, set up an opportunity for. Individuals with disabilities like myself who are in STEM careers who can design research experiments that will test out what are some of the practical challenges that we need to solve in a microgravity environment. So recently I was selected as an astro access ambassador, and I completed my first zero gravity flight in December.
And with a team of 14 other crew members with various types of disabilities along with other astronauts, [00:17:00] and we designed and implemented research areas that really answered that question as, as a blind person, how can I navigate safely in zero gravity? Which for me was an incredible experience to, you know, float and fly and turn and flip , uhhuh like a kid while also doing research, you know?
Right. And ultimately what that is gonna lead to very soon, probably within the next 12 to 18 months, is actually of suborbital flights with non-disabled astronauts where we work alongside each other in actual space. So, .
Okay. All right.
There was one more thing that you touched on that I was just like, I wanna come back to there's something to be said for listening
to your communities. This is my second go at a podcast, right? And so with the first podcast I do have friends with varying disabilities, neuro diversities.
And so one friend was like, [00:18:00] you know, I would love to. to listen to your podcast, but I'm hearing impaired, so it would be nice if you had close captioning. Mm-hmm. , I did not know how to do close captioning. I made sure this time around to learn how to do close captioning so that when I do put stuff like on YouTube, that it has close captions.
Built in there. Mm-hmm. , when I created the website, I wanted to be intentional about the, the colors that I used to make sure that there were high contrasting colors. Yep. That I have alt texts built in, that I have, you know, where I can put video to supplement the words and things like that.
There were things that I wanted to be intentional about. If I'm gonna, restart from scratch, then okay. I'm taking in all the information that I've learned from my diverse, you know, group of friends. And I'm just like, okay, so what money I have, I'm going to spend it this way.
Yeah. And do this because I know it's gonna have a greater impact.
I do wanna talk a little bit about adoption and open adoption.
Let's talk about navigating all of that, because the whole donor sibling [00:19:00] thing is kind of weird, for me, like, you know, you're like you have your family and it's kind of like this self-contained unit y'all navigate, you do pickup, drop off mm-hmm. , but then there's a certain point where you're intentional about including the other part of, Caleb's life. You said that you wanted to invest more in building the relationship with his birth.
Right, and yes.
So
Let's talk about what, what that's like, because I know for me there, there are like awkward things with, you know, donor sibling parents where it's not necessarily the kids, but it's navigating the parents.
Yeah. So one thing that was important to me when I started this process is because with domestic adoption expected mothers usually can go through an agency and the agency social workers, usually the first contact in introducing you know, profiles of families.
Some people choose the self adopt self matching process. But for me I went through an agency and I [00:20:00] wanted it to be very clear that I do have a disability. This is what it looks like on a day-to-day. Here are the tools and techniques I use to live independently. Disability wasn't as much of a barrier as I thought. And so when I got the call that said I had been matched, I was like, are you sure? Did, did they read that part that said, I'm blind and, have a guide dog and all this? And she said Yes. And so we got a chance to talk and everything.
And so we built from the time that I was matched with my sons for family in January until May, we spent a lot of time getting to know each other. Mm-hmm. . And I had also gone through a lot of training because adoption has shifted from being. Closed meaning that there's no contact, no information shared to open where open communication is highly encouraged.
So that it's no longer a secret that there's, you know, information [00:21:00] exchanged back and forth. And so we started out with the understanding that we'd like to work towards, text, updates or picture updates and stuff. And knowing that my son had siblings and knowing that I could not give him that by birth, I thought, well, what if we approached, setting the foundation, for them getting to know each other. What I would say is that, , my opinion and approach is evolving as he's growing. Mm-hmm. . Because yeah, adoption is not the same as co-parenting. But it is wonderful to be able to get insights into how my son's siblings developed and grow.
That ultimately I can help guide him in getting the answers that to questions he may [00:22:00] be looking to, know, later on So why did they choose adoption? I think for both his birth parents and I, we wanna ensure that he knows that he was never neglected.
He was never thrown away. It was a, an intentional choice based on the circumstances that they were facing. But they always wanted to be involved and engaged in how he was doing and how he was growing. Now, what that looks like right now, we've been doing visits every couple of months, to see them.
I don't know what it looks like moving forward, but what I wanted to do was to leave as neutral of an impression for them I want him to be able to come to his own conclusions. Mm-hmm. for him to have a blank slate to go with mm-hmm.
So that they're not necessarily strangers when he gets to be 18 years of age, that at least he has the ability to reach out and ask questions, [00:23:00] and for him to feel secure in knowing that I will be there as he asks those questions.
Right, right. All right. Well, thank you. Thank you. And you, you kind of left an opening for me to come back and talk to you about dating.
Yeah, yeah. Oh, my , I'll, I'll not time around, but I, I'll produce an episode.
That's a whole, that's a whole new challenge too. Uhhuh Uhhuh as a single mom, like. Now I'm trying to factor in how do I build in male role models for my son? What kind of activities do we pursue? Uhhuh, , you know, and also realizing that there's gonna be a lot of inherent power and influence that comes through having, a male figure in his life.
And how do I do that safely? in the dating scene, you know, because I have my own needs as a woman, you know? Right, right. [00:24:00] So , how does that factor into how much he's exposed to, if we were to expand our family in the future. So who knows, I need some advice and guidance on that
Thank you So much for spending, some of your day with me, and I appreciate you and thank
you so much. This has a great conversation.
