S3E4 - What's it Like to Find Out You're Having Twins - Jamela

Episode 4 May 22, 2024 00:36:52
S3E4 - What's it Like to Find Out You're Having Twins - Jamela
Start to Finish Motherhood with Aisha
S3E4 - What's it Like to Find Out You're Having Twins - Jamela

May 22 2024 | 00:36:52


Hosted By

Aisha Jenkins

Show Notes

Join Aisha as she converses with  Jamela, who shares her inspiring story of embracing her twin pregnancy.  In this episode, we dive deep into the challenges and triumphs of pursuing parenthood solo, from deciding to become a mom, navigating fertility treatments as a solo person, to the joyous discovery of expecting twins. This conversation sheds light on the resilience, hope, and community needed to support the single mother by choice's journey.  Tune in for an episode filled with personal insights, laughter, and the shared excitement of what it's like find out you are having and preparing to welcome twins.

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Episode Transcript

[00:00:04] Speaker A: Welcome to start to finish motherhood, a podcast for those thinking or already single mothers by choice. Just looking for practical advice for navigating life's relationships. When you decide to have children on your own, it doesn't mean that you're completely alone. I'm Aisha Jenkins, and I'm partnering with you every step of your journey. So, hi, everybody. I'm here today with a guest, and I will tell you, I'm so excited to catch up with this particular person. One of the things that I love most about having been in the SMC community for such a long time is that I get to see where people start and then I get to follow people all the way along on their journey. And it is not always an easy journey. So it has its highs and it has its lows, and as a community, we kind of ebb and flow and we go with it. And so it is an absolute joy to invite this soon to be mom of twins onto the podcast. I'm here today with Jamila, and I'm going to ask you to introduce yourself and tell us a little bit about your journey, and then we will get into the Q and A. [00:01:21] Speaker B: Great, great, great. No. Thank you so much for having me. As you mentioned, my name is Jamila. I turned 40 on April 11. I am based out of Washington, DC. My single mom by choice journey started after I had filed for divorce. I was around age 37, I believe. And I was at the point in my life where just kind of being depleted from any desire to try to get back out there. I just couldn't see, like, it was very clear that I knew I wanted to be a mom, but I didn't have the emotional capacity to go out and be in the dating world. And so for me, it just logically, and also with the discussion of my support system, which is like my mom, she's like my. The best support system that I could ask for. We had discussed that if I wanted to be a parent, that I should move in that direction. If I met someone, fine. But I didn't want to waste another three, four years and potentially put myself out of the ability to be a mom. So immediately I would say I, like, sprung into action after I filed and it was official. That was really the good thing about COVID is the whole period from when you filed to being official was pretty quick. I found a donor and I started moving towards the process to create a family. So I decided to skip over IUI and I moved directly to IVF for a couple reasons. One, the donor that I found there was only one vial of sperm left. So that kind of limited my ability to do an IUI. And I also was kind of. I was kind of clear on, like, what I wanted. I preferred to have a girl because I have only brothers. My mom had only brothers. There's a lot of brother action going on. So those are the kind of things that I wanted. And I didn't know all of what that meant, but as I learned more about it, I was like, okay, this IVF just seems more appropriate for me. And it was a good thing that I did because when I did my first. So when I did my first transfer, it did not take initially, and that was pretty devastating because, one, I only ended up with two embryos, and you're thinking, like, unhealthy, I'll have, like, 20 embryos to choose from, but now I only end up with two. And when I did the first transfer, it didn't work. I was like, well, I've always thought I want to have more than one sibling. So I was like, I need to find another job that would pay for coverage, because initially I paid for my first round, the first round myself, so second. So my. If I want to do a second round, I was like, well, I need to get a new job. So it made sense because I was also finishing up my MBA program, and I ended up getting a job in corporate tech, kind of transitioning from a government space. And that employer paid for basically all of my fertility coverage moving forward. So two more egg retrievals, and I was able to create, in total eight embryos, including the one that I lost. And so six girls and two boys. But I had quite a bit to work with. So when I wanted to do my next round, starting from, like, December 2020 to, like, January of 2022, in between those, once I did my egg retrievals, I decided to have a myomectomy. Cause I thought, well, maybe it didn't work because I have thyroids. So I had. I took the time to get my fibroids removed, and that was like, a six month recovery process. So during that time, you know, I was taking vitamins to help to improve my egg quality. So by the time I actually went through that egg retrieval, I was able to get, you know, really good numbers. And when I went to do the second transfer, I was like, okay, I'm going to transfer two embryos, because I was like, I'm pretty sure this is going to work. Maybe I'll get twins out of it. And so when I transfer the two embryos, it still didn't work. And I was devastated. I know it's a long story. And that's the thing. People see the bump, but they don't realize, like, what you had to do to get here. I had to roll up my sleeves and do some research, so I. Which I had my reproductive endocrinologist, but then I looked for a reproductive immunologist who did some blood work on me, and basically, I had to go through, like, a really specialized protocol where I was on. And I'm still on blood thinner. You know, I take a shot of blood thinner every day. I was on prednisone when I first became pregnant to control my body's immune response to potentially potential immune response to embryos. So for the third transfer, which is the transfer that I'm currently pregnant on, I was like, well, I'm never transferring more than one embryo again, because I felt. I felt such a huge loss when I lost this, too. And in addition to getting a reproductive immunologist and a hematologist, I really worked on my relationship with God and just making my desires known. And I really believe that he would restore everything that I lost. And when I went in for my. I found out I was pregnant from the third transfer, it was a low beta. It was, like, 65. I was like, oh, my God, like, 65? Like, come on, guy. We talked about this. Like, I wanted, like, to be blown away with, like, these high numbers that everyone has, like, 400, right? And then when they called me back for my second beta, it was 845. So it went from 65 to 845, and it still didn't dawn on me that, like, that meant multiples, because I was like, okay, well, at least it's stick. At least she's sticking around, you know? And so then when I went in for my six week ultrasound, he was like, there's two. And I had a feeling. I had, like, a feeling. I even recorded myself saying this. I was like, I think there could be two down there. But I didn't have any other inkling besides, like, I thought maybe I felt like two different. Like, two twinges, two separate places. But I was nervous, because I know there's such risk with multiples, and depending on when the embryo splits, it could be, like, they could be in the same sac or they could be in two separate sacks. Well, funny enough, my embryo that split made it such. Where it's the lowest risk. Each gets their own sac, each has their own placenta. And so, yeah, I'm just so thankful and amazed by what God has done for me. I give all credit to him and also just me not giving up and doing the research. And I'm sure you understand about that. But anyway, that's a long story to how I got here. [00:08:17] Speaker A: Thank you for telling us that story. I mean, there are so many similarities, right? 37 seems to be like a sweet spot. I'm gonna focus on this. And so. Okay, so let's go all the way back. You spoke about going through the process and first paying for it on your own, and so that's something that we will typically encounter. We don't know how things are going to go until we actively start trying. And for a lot of us, we spend our lives actively not trying to get pregnant until we're ready. Right. And so then when you start trying, we're not always. I know. I wasn't prepared. It was surprising to me that one IUI was an option and then also the price tag of IVF and what actually gets covered. And so you had your first transfer, and then you went through the process of having to do some research and legwork on your own. Tell us a little bit more about that, because I interpret that as having to advocate for yourself. So can you tell us a little bit about that experience? [00:09:28] Speaker B: Yeah, that is probably, like, if someone were to ask me advice about pursuing this path. When you have to be action oriented, you can't wait around for the right time or whatever. But then once you've taken the action, you have to make sure that you're your number one advocate and ask all the questions. I used to follow. I guess I still do follow. A physician on YouTube called the egg whisperer. She had people calling in with these complicated cases. I was like, oh, my God, that's never going to be me. Like, I could empathize with the difficulties they were having, but I was like, I'm gonna get pregnant easily, no problem. Like, I have a couple fibroids, but, you know, fine, right? So she. One thing she said, you know, to those who would call in when they would ask for advice, when they were down to one last embryo, she would tell them to ask their physician, is there anything that if this doesn't work, we could have done for this transfer that would have potentially changed the results? So, like, are there any tests that we can do? Are there any procedures that we could look into that could find, you know, any anatomical abnormalities, like a hysteroscopy? Can we go in? Can we do an era endometrial receptivity analysis? Right. Like, can we. Those tests typically aren't offered until there is a loss, like, say your transfer doesn't work. They say you can do up to three transfers before it's considered re recurrent implantation failure. I would say if you have at least one, you could start to do one or two. I've seen some people who've had a failed transfer and then their next one works. But if I were to offer any advice, I would ask what tests are available, what's out there that we could do today that if it doesn't work, when we look back on it and say, okay, well, we could have done x. What is that? X that we could have done? [00:11:40] Speaker A: Okay. Yeah, definitely. And I think when you, especially when you're paying out of pocket, you get down to the last of your resources, be it emotional resources, financial, medical, what have you. You're at that point where it sounds like if I'm going to bet on anything, I'm going to bet on myself and I'm going to ask the questions that need to be asked. What is the one thing we haven't tried? What are other things that have been tried and have possibly worked? All right, so thank you for taking us through that. And then you also mentioned that through doing your legwork, you found an immunologist and a hematologist. How did you find them? Or how did you find out that you needed them? [00:12:19] Speaker B: Right. So I just so happen there are like two or three major clinics, Patelli clinics in my area, and people typically go with the other clinic or the clinic that deals with probably the most number of patients, but their protocol typically is suited for, like, your standard individual. Right. I decided it was a smaller clinic that was, you know, it's a little more intimate in that way. Something about that appealed to me. And so in that fertility clinic, there was a reproductive immunologist, so I needed more specialized care. And so because it wasn't my re, my reproductive endocrinologist, but it was his partner that was the immunologist. So I went to her for the immunology blood work, kind of like a more detailed protocol outside of the standard. Let's get your endometrial lining thick and ready for transfer. When it came to meeting a hematologist, I just ended up looking up online to see, which I kind of called around to see whose schedule I could get on. And I happened to get on a schedule of a really great hematologist because she was able to advocate for me with my insurance company because they were like, oh, you don't need this, you know, because they're just, they don't think pregnancy and immunology go hand in hand. There's not a lot of research around that. So you need someone who really will. Yes. As you advocate for yourself, you need a physician or a hematologist or whoever, a medical provider that will advocate on your behalf as well. [00:14:05] Speaker A: Well, good, good, good. Yes. And the fact that there's not a whole lot of weight given to the role that immunology plays in a successful pregnancy is mind boggling because. [00:14:16] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:14:17] Speaker A: Do they just think that you have that many eggs? And it's just like, yeah, we'll just keep trying. [00:14:22] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:14:23] Speaker A: So. [00:14:25] Speaker B: It'S scary that it's just not. A lot of. Some clinics won't even consider that that could even be a factor. You know what I mean? And I'm a living testament to. There is a hematology, a clotting blood component, and there's also an immune component to. Because when embryo implants in the uterus, your body has to know that, hey, that embryo is not here to hurt us. That's an immune response. So, yeah, I wish I could. Maybe as things progress with me, I would love to advocate for more awareness and attention around that. [00:15:01] Speaker A: Okay, so now, with all of those details out of the way, you're pregnant. All right, so take us through the moment where you saw two heartbeats, not when they told you, when you actually saw the two heartbeats, heard the two heartbeats, or saw the two sacks. What went through your mind? [00:15:22] Speaker B: Well, it was crazy, because I don't know if I'm a rare case where, like, I always thought it would be cool to have twins. I always was like, oh, man, twins would be really, really amazing. And, like, I even had a vision board after I lost the two embryo transfer that I did. I even had, like, twins, identical twins, like, pictures of, like, these newborn twins, on my vision board for 2023. It was kind of. Kind of wild, but I didn't really think about, like, the financial components of that or the logistical one. I was just like, oh, no, it'd be, like, cool to have twins. And so when he told me there were twins, and then when I saw, like, it's. When you start talking about the fact that you have twins, there's always, like, someone who says, oh, my pregnancy was supposed to be a twin, too. So you're thinking, like, oh, maybe it won't stick around. You're kind of, like, a little nervous, especially during their first trimester. So when I saw that there were two heartbeats and the heartbeats were really strong, I was like, oh, wow. Like, this is really happening. It didn't. I don't know. It's. I think the actual reality starts to set in that there are two different kind of people in there. Once you start to get bigger and you start to feel movement and, like, you talk to other twins, and they talk about, you know, different personalities and, like, you know, all of that. So that kind of starts to become more real. And then it was also, like, the financial component of buying two of everything. But, like, when I heard the two heartbeats, I was just so thankful that, like, they were still around. They stuck with me. [00:17:12] Speaker A: Okay, so. All right, so you transferred one. You got two. [00:17:18] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:17:19] Speaker A: Okay. Who was the first person you told? [00:17:23] Speaker B: Oh, well, I told my girlfriends. I didn't tell my mom. I told my girlfriends. We did a Facetime, and Blig was worse. You have to do a Facetime. I mean, like, on any major life event, you have to do a FaceTime. And I recorded. I recorded. I record everything. I sent them the recording of the doctor telling me that there's two, and they were freaking out. They were like, oh, my God, what are you gonna do? And, like, excited. They're like, oh, my God. Like, two. Like, two human beings. That's crazy. And then I told, like, other people. I did not tell my mom. I did not tell my mom. My bonus dad, her husband at the time. I didn't tell them because I just. I wanted to find, like, a special way to tell them. And she was like, well, is there one or two? Like, I just wanted her to know that I was pregnant, which I did tell her that, but, yeah, just like, people that were kind of close to me, like, my girlfriends, and I told people that were not in my immediate circle such that they would go and tell my mom. Right, right. [00:18:27] Speaker A: It's such a. It's such a special time when you find out, because as if you've had either they call it NTT, not this time, as an SMC, or if you have had a loss, it's with bated breath that you look for that second line or that plus sign. And so when you see it, you know what it feels like to you. But for people who love you, they're also riding that roller coaster with you. [00:18:53] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:18:54] Speaker A: So it's just like. It's almost like you don't want them to be disappointed. Right, right. So it's like you're weighing the consequences for them. All right, so you find out you've got two strong heartbeats, you're cruising and. All right, so let's talk a little bit about the beta. Right. Because I think when you are actively trying, you know that you're going to get a beta test, you're going to get those beta numbers. And so that first one, it's just like, oh, okay. But I want to put people at ease that the beta is just a data point. Right. It could say something. It could say nothing. Right. And so some people will be like, my beta was 500. [00:19:35] Speaker B: I'm having twins. [00:19:35] Speaker A: And no, it's singleton. Right. But for you, yours was 65. The second one was like 800. And so it is the doubling. [00:19:47] Speaker B: Right, exactly. Yeah. It's what occurs with that number after you get that first data point. That is really the most. The most telling. I've had so many people I've seen over chat, kind of in our, like, various SMC chat groups, they'll say, you know, if you had twins, what was your. What was your beta? And sometimes I just don't even say anything because I'm like, my beta was low, you know? And so I. I think that that's something that people, I think is more so maybe than how your body responds to HCG. Right? Like, I think, like, some people have really high betas, and some people just have betas that are. I think the minimum has to be greater than. I'm not saying it's greater than 50, but it's some number. Some number that's really small. But, yeah. What is it? What does that number do on over that 24 to 48 hours period? [00:20:42] Speaker A: Yes. Yes. Okay, so, all right, so now. Now let's talk about, what are your cravings? How are you doing? Like, I know that you're into fashion, so let's talk about mom. Let's talk about you, Jamila, before. [00:20:59] Speaker B: Before that. So, interestingly enough, like I said, it took me, oh, gosh, from 37 to 39, basically two years and some change to get pregnant. But during that time, you know, I was really able to kind of just focus and, like, love on me. I, like, figured out, like, what some of my passions were, dove deeper into those passions. So fashion and kind of developing my sense of style was one of them. And I changed careers or changed jobs slash careers kind of at the time. Those things or that time period was really great for me because it gave me a sense or a chance to really focus on loving on Jamila and not seeking that from, like, external sources. I think that. And I can. I guess I can empathize, even though I don't feel that way. Some people who are on the SMC journey can be a little lonely because it's like, it's not there. This wasn't the plan that they had. Maybe they wish they had a partner, or they see someone with their partner and they envision what their life could be like, what they had a partner. And I don't, I don't feel that way. But that's just, maybe that's off of coming off of the heels of my marriage. And I kind of worked on those wounds. Not to say that other people haven't, but to say that any residual that I had from that, I just went to therapy, I worked on myself. And not to say that in the future, things won't evolve and change for me in terms of me wanting a partner in my life, but I felt so fortunate that I was able to take charge and, like, do something that I really wanted to do. So, fashion, career, friends, I had a full life before I got pregnant. When I got pregnant, like, my priorities changed, so. But I'm glad I had that period where, like, I wanted that bag, I bought that bag. You know what I mean? Like, I did all the things that I really wanted to do such that I don't feel like I didn't have those experiences when I became pregnant. I felt like, well, I was also kind of going through, like, this, this debate, internal debate about consumerism and how, like, you don't need, like, 50 bags now. Like, you really only need, like, you only need five, right? Like, there's, I'm just throwing out a number. But, like, I kind of took a step back to kind of really detach myself from the consumerism side of things. But I also, too, I started to pick up weight pretty. I started, like, things just, you know, weren't fitting as they used to. So then it was like, okay, well, what am I gonna, how am I gonna define myself in pregnancy and find myself and not lose who I am? And so that became, like, the new journey, rather than, like, chasing, like, this latest designer item or item that I really, really wanted to have or this latest trend, really defining my personal style that would transcend time rather than one that was kind of fluctuating with what magazine said was hot at the moment. And again, those priorities become lower and lower on the totem pole because I started to calculate. I was like, oh, it's not just one child. It's two children. That's, like, two of everything. Yeah. [00:24:31] Speaker A: Yes. That was going to be my next question. I mean, I follow your little fashion montages, and you are just absolutely glowing and beautiful. And so that was going to be my next question. What were some big surprises, you know, because you mentioned two of everything. So let's talk about some of the realities of the cost, because some people will be like, oh, I want twins. But that means literally two of everything at the same time, right? [00:25:00] Speaker B: Exactly. Like, there are no, like, hand me downs or whatever. Like, it's. Yeah, two, two of everything. And I think as a new mom, sometimes you can get caught up in what are the recommended, like, oh, you got to get the dock a tot and you got to get the baby beorn and you got to get the owlette, the little sock that you put on newborns foot to monitor their heart rate and their CO2 levels and all that. Yeah, those are $200, let's say two to $300 fine. Right? But times two, like, for two children, like, you can't. Can't get one daca tot, you gotta get two dacat. So it's like, it, it really adds up quickly. And I had an amazing community. Like, I was so overwhelmed because I was like, I'm coming off the heels of, like, a big wedding. I was like, I'm not spending all this money for no baby shower. And, like, just for this one day. And I was like, I'm baby moon. It's like, I don't. Like, I just, I was getting overwhelmed with, like, the things that you're supposed to do when they say that you're supposed to do to prepare or not even prepare to celebrate having a baby. I just. I wanted to spend my money, take the money I have, and just buy the things for my kids. And my friends were like, girl, you are having a baby shower. And I'm so glad they did. They planned it between them and my mom, they planned my shower, and my community was so amazing. Like, they showed up for me in ways in which I'm still like, that, I'm still digesting. Like, I just went through, like, all the gifts and everything this past weekend, and I'm just, yeah, it was amazing. If it weren't for them and them, like, forcing me to have a baby shower, I don't know. I don't know what I would have done because it's just, it's, it's. It's expensive, and so you. I think one thing I'm also kind of struggling with is because I'm a little older mom, more seasoned mom. You think, like, oh, I want this stroller. Like, okay, maybe I can do the. Maybe you have a preference on, like, the type of stroller that you want, but there are lesser expensive strollers right. But then, like, you're like, okay, well, do you go for the more expensive stroller or do you just kind of get the baseline and just kind of see how things go? And also, too, when it comes back to my luxury thing, I'm thinking, like, wow, I spent a good amount of money on that bag, and that would probably get me, like, three or four strollers at this point. It's just like, wow, this is, like, really puts things in perspective. So, yeah, like, literally two of everything. Financially, it's, it's no joke. And I will also say this. I do have a really great support system. My mom, again, I mentioned her, she's retired, and these are, these are her first, like, natural born grandchildren. So I'll be relying heavily on her while I try to figure out, like, the childcare situation, because we talked about, like, cute things, like docatot, but that child care is, like, no joke. No joke. Look. So, yeah, she is. It'll be all hands on deck between her and I. I think we're still trying to, like, figure out what that, you know, the next phase of life looks like. But, yeah, it's expensive. [00:28:31] Speaker A: Okay, so let's do some rapid fire. Okay. How are you going to tell them apart? [00:28:37] Speaker B: Well, if I had to, I do plan on ordering these little bracelets off of Etsy, but right now, one is trending to be larger than the other. [00:28:48] Speaker A: Okay. [00:28:48] Speaker B: So I think I'll be able to tell them apart initially through that way, but other than that, I don't know, like, maybe I could paint their nails or something. You know, there's, there's that. But hopefully, I think by that time, you know, one will be bigger than the other. I do know that, likely. And by the time they start to get to be the same size, I'll hopefully be able to, like, visually see what the differences are because they're identical. But there's sometimes. It's always little things that make it. Make it clear who one. Yeah, exactly. Who one is over the other. [00:29:19] Speaker A: So I've always been curious. When you go for your ultrasound, they're like, this is baby b. This is baby a. Yeah. Do you, do you remember which one is b and a each time? [00:29:31] Speaker B: Well, so I have dichoyonic, diamniotic pregnancy. So that means two separate sacs, two separate placentas. So generally, they're not going to swap places. Right. So baby a is always the one that's closest to your cervix, and baby b can be anywhere. Also, too, when you have two separate placentas the placentas can be in different places. So baby a, my placenta is. My placenta is posterior, so I, that's typically where the placenta is in the back, so you feel the kicks. But for a baby b, my placenta is anterior, so I don't feel her kicks as often unless I lay on my side. So she kind of, you know, I'll always know which one is which because of where the placentas are. [00:30:18] Speaker A: Okay. All right. And then did you have any unique cravings? What were your cravings during your pregnancy? What are your cravings? [00:30:26] Speaker B: I had a really, my pregnancy is really unique, I guess I, I didn't have any morning sickness. My cravings, I still crave a lot of fruit. I go to tropical smoothie every day. I do. I go to tropical smoothie and I get a tropical ladder. It's not even on the menu. But they don't tell me no, because they see this pregnant lady coming in. I totally take a bit, they see me coming in and they were like, we're not going to tell this lady no. Look how big she is. So I do have that every single day. I have, it's 895 or whatever. And I. I don't care. I have that every day. But no, I never had morning sickness, but I. And, yeah, fresh, fresh fruits and things. That typically was, like, my craving. [00:31:11] Speaker A: Okay, did you learn anything new about yourself? [00:31:17] Speaker B: Um, not. I don't think so. Not yet. I mean, look, the test has not begun, okay? This is just the, this is just. We're going over the curriculum, okay? This is, this is not like, class is not in session. Class is starting in about six weeks, so we're really going to learn about ourselves. Man, I don't have no, I mean, I could tell I was strong willed, and I could tell I have learned that I need to listen to my body and I'm just going to have to say no to certain things. But other than that, no, they're about to teach me. They're going to teach me a lot about myself. And they're also, like, they're also. It's funny, my friend sent me this meme or whatever. She said, when you have more than one child, you think you're just having children, but you're kind of creating this little gang. Like, they're like, they're going to start to have opinions and they're going to start to, like, converse amongst each other and they're going to have those opinions about me. And I was like, I'm going to, like, really learn about myself, then. Yeah. [00:32:17] Speaker A: Yes, yes. And I tell people it's not just two kids, it's actually like, 2.5. Because you. You will constantly be managing their relationship. [00:32:26] Speaker B: Yes, yes, yes. Exactly. That is, you know, I'm. I thank God every day, I feel incredibly blessed that. That they're coming into the world, having each other. I am really, really. I find comfort in that. And so I'm hoping that they'll create this bond and they'll have an understanding about this decision that I've made and how it impacts them, that I may not always understand, but I have to, you know, of course, hear them out, empathize with them, and work with them to resolve any issues that they may have with me choosing this path, but they'll have each other, and I'm really, really excited about that. [00:33:11] Speaker A: They will. They will. So, Jamila, is there anything else you want to share about your pregnancy journey, your IVF journey, or what you're doing to prepare for these little ones? [00:33:21] Speaker B: I think as I get closer to the date we are, Juneteenth is the day that they will is the date of my cesarean. So as we get closer to that date, I'm learning that my postpartum care is going to be incredibly important. I think, like, my introduction into motherhood is going to be that much more better if I have a meal service prepared, like, if I have to get factor or some sort. Some other sort of meal service to deliver meals. At first I was like, oh, I don't need a night nurse or doula. Maybe I will need that. So really taking that seriously and looking into how can I set up as much support for me and my mom as much as possible. I think as you get closer to the date, especially with twins, because people are like, oh, my God, just one is overwhelming and you have two. And I'm like, you're right, I do have to. So I need to, like, get my support system in place, and I don't want to have. Motherhood is going to have its ups and downs, but I want to try to have it as easy of a introduction into this process as possible if I can. So giving a lot more attention to postpartum here. [00:34:39] Speaker A: Okay, well, know that there are no right or wrong ways. Your way, the way that you three or four decide to navigate and make it work is going to be the right way for your family and, well, Jamila, thank you. As we wind down, are there any resources you want to share? Where can people find you? [00:34:59] Speaker B: Yep, people can find me. TikTok, YouTube and Instagram at my by my name. Jameela Black. J A M e l a b l b l a c k my name resources I would just. I strongly recommend just getting access to your online community. The Facebook groups, they are a wealth of resource for other women that are going through this, other women that are thinking about this. If you're not tapping into that, then you could be potentially missing out on that community aspect, which is such an essential part of this decision. [00:35:32] Speaker A: I second that. You know, being. Having community that is not your immediate family, that are just girlfriends because friends will do weird things. Right. But there's something special about other people who get it and also care about the minutia, the milestones. Like training. [00:35:54] Speaker B: Exactly. From our perspective. Yeah, it's very unique. So, no, I definitely second that. [00:36:03] Speaker A: I look forward to following more of your journey. [00:36:06] Speaker B: Thank you. Look forward to connecting more. [00:36:15] Speaker A: Thanks for listening to start to finish motherhood with Aisha. If you want to keep the conversation going, follow start to finish motherhood on Instagram or email [email protected]. dot if you love this episode, please share it with anyone who's thinking of becoming a single mother by choice, anyone who's already parenting as a single mother by choice and just looking for advice on navigating it all, or a friend or family member who's looking to support someone else's single mother by choice journey. Until next time. Bye now.

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