Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Welcome to Start to Finish Motherhood, a podcast for those thinking or already single mothers by choice, just looking for practical advice for navigating life's relationships. When you decide to have children on your own, it doesn't mean that you're completely alone. I'm Aisha Jenkins, and I'm partnering with you every step of your journey.
Wow. So here we are, the last episode of season four. Tears, for real. I hope that you enjoyed listening to this season as much as I've enjoyed putting it together. It's only fitting that I closed the season out from a really reflective place. 2024 was challenging for me in a number of ways, but I made it through.
And 2025 opened with a rip in the time space continuum that shook my equilibrium, [00:01:00] and it reminded me that tomorrow is not promised. With so many of my friends impacted by the ham handed callousness of our new leadership in this country, I thought it fitting to share tips for pivoting. Given the new landscape that we find ourselves in.
So why don't you go ahead and grab yourself something warm and then I will dive right in.
So leaving a toxic work environment. If you are true to yourself and you're self reflective, I think you know when something is coming to an end, when something doesn't feel right. I know for me, I felt restless, I felt really anxious, and I also felt a tinge of excitement because you don't know exactly how something will happen.
You do know that it will happen. And so with that knowledge, you are able to prepare for it. And yes, I was [00:02:00] uncertain. I'm not going to say I was a hard rock. I was uncertain and I did it scared, but I knew that God had my back. My God had my back and I planned as much as I could. And to be honest, I never looked.
back. I left the toxic environment and it was the best thing that I could have done for me. It wasn't easy from a mental health perspective because there was just so much trauma that I had experienced over the years. And I think I said earlier, it wasn't just work trauma. The work trauma was a huge part of it.
It was also fertility and, the breakup of my last podcast experience. So there were a lot of things that happened to cause a lot of trauma and it came in waves. So luckily I had already had a relationship with a great therapist who was there to be by my side and walk me through the ups, the downs and the uncertainty.
And. I had also saved financially for a rainy [00:03:00] day. And so I knew that I would be okay, but there's no way around it. You have to just go through it. And so now being gentle with myself, those first few weeks I spent. recovering myself mentally and also physically because it's draining when you have to show up every day when you mentally don't feel like it.
So you're pulling from reserves that you may not have. And so those first few weeks I really leaned into parenting my children. Getting rest that I needed. So I napped when I need it. I found joy. I was on the path to finding my joy. I learned to be easy and gentle with myself. I ate the foods that were comforting for me.
I tried to make sure I was drinking a lot of water, a lot of teas. I tapped, I really tapped into my friendship network. So that. I spoke with my SMC friends. I [00:04:00] spoke with my professional friends. I spoke with my family. I spoke with my financial planner, and I really began just planning. And one of the first things that I knew I needed to do and I really wanted to do was to plan this epic trip.
And so that's why you'll see it sprinkled throughout this entire season. And. I think one of the key things that made the transition easier for me. So we're talking about pivoting is that I was honest with myself and with my family and my friends and asking for what I needed and they showed up, right?
I had to stop. Eating the things that I wanted to say, stop swallowing the things that needed to be said, and I cracked open my filter a bit and I allowed myself to be vulnerable with the things that I need and put really firm boundaries in place and my friends, they just allowed me to be I also did some palate cleansing.
So I put hardcore job hunting [00:05:00] on the back burner because, I really wasn't ready. So I went on autopilot. I was applying for jobs, but I wasn't pouring hours and hours over preparing for interviews and doing all of that stuff. I was job hunting, but I wasn't giving it like 110%. I wasn't filling out a hundred applications a day.
I think I was filling out like 10 a week, if that, I did do some interviews and they were good experiences for me because I was interviewing for jobs that I was a really good fit for. And so they were good experiences for me, but I also knew that I did not 100 percent feel ready to go back to work. And I.
Actually didn't know how long it would take for me to be ready. So I gave myself that time to heal, but I still wanted to flex my skills and see where I stood in the marketplace. I waited until I really felt a weight shift and could [00:06:00] sense a light at the end of the tunnel before I started trying to.
To really nail down what I wanted my next move to be. And I really started to feel that shift in the end of December. But before that, I took a really long vacation, and it gave me an opportunity to do a hard reset. It gave me an opportunity to cleanse my palate, have different sensations around me, different people, where I could just walk and be a bit invisible for a while.
Somebody else do the heavy lifting and take care of me. And it's ironic that I had to leave the States to go to a place where it felt like a village was taking care of you. So I did that hard reset to cleanse my palate. And then I really embraced the time with my children. They got to have me be the one to pick them up and they're so chatty and they're so much fun.
I know. As a single mother by choice, the thought of being unemployed or being [00:07:00] underemployed is really scary because we have all of this responsibility we've done this by choice, what else is scary, dropping dead in front of my children, or having them be the collateral damage to a An unexpected mental breakdown, right?
So my Children, they deserve better and so did I. So I opted to save myself and put my oxygen mask on first. And I'm glad I did. I got to really enjoy the Children and our time together. And they're so funny. cuddly and they're snuggly and just being able to talk to them, their conversation. Like I got to be creative.
I got to delve into things I was curious about. And then I also started to network more with my professional friends. And so I've always been good at nurturing relationships. And so this was just a nice transition. After all is said and done, you own [00:08:00] your narrative, right? And you hold your head high.
And there's nothing wrong with saying. It was just too much for me. And so that was an evolution of where I was. I also had to not intentionally because who wants to leave relationships, but I also had to leave some relationships behind. And this part was really hard because I had to confront some truths about the people in my village, about the role that I was playing in those relationships, whether it was good or bad.
And we were. I found that we were ultimately growing in different directions and we had different priorities and we consider different people as part of our core village. I'm also big on integrity and accountability, whether it's for myself, my children or my friends or my village members or my support team or my managers.
I like to think that I see people clearly and I give them the grace to be who they are, but I [00:09:00] also want them to be honest and accountable. And I want it to be something that they have a familiar relationship with. And so I had to just. see folks clearly and I had to just leave them where they are.
So either they exited from me and I let them or I exited from them and they let me. I also know that sometimes I stay too long. Sometimes I ignore the warning signs of when it's time to leave. But regardless of that, I try to always leave with grace. I don't have to break anybody down. I make sure to say what needs to be said, because that was part of what caused some of the trauma, not saying the words that needed to be said, not allowing myself to be vulnerable and say what I need.
And so I did that. Now, I also know that when it's time to move to the next chapter in life or the next level in life, sometimes you have to leave old things behind, and that could be relationships, that could be old stomping grounds, [00:10:00] old neighborhoods, and it's hard. And it's hard, especially for me because my heart is sometimes stronger than my head.
And so I need to have physical barriers in place in order to not go back. And so ending relationships that no longer serve me was also part of my hard pivot. Embracing freedom. So it was around December that I really felt the physical weight of everything that happened in 2024 really shift. And so I felt a bit lighter and I started to feel better emotionally.
I felt like I had a clear head. I felt like I could see past clearly and see my options clearly. And I'd started working on a few projects that were like. Life giving and that I really enjoyed. I enjoyed the people. I enjoyed working in solitude. I enjoyed that. They were just like, go do that thing that you do.
And I did it and I did it well. And I was really able to flex my creative muscles and my coaching muscles [00:11:00] with a like minded friend. We geek out over tech and we just geek out and we could spend hours just talking. So it was nothing but good vibes. I also had to stay aware of the fact that I am on a mental health journey and I am still vulnerable to high stress and high anxiety situations.
And so I could still feel it, right? And so I am still working closely with a therapist and with an entire plan, but I found my way back to myself. And I found my way back to teaching, which I love it, and I'm in a totally different type of work environment from my last job, and honestly, I don't think that I want to go back to working a traditional nine to five job.
This feels like freedom to me, and I really feel lucky to have been able to pivot. on my own terms. Now it wasn't a quick pivot because I didn't want to go from the frying pan to the fire or didn't want to run from a burning building into a [00:12:00] tsunami. And so I really wanted to slow down and feel my way through listening to the signs.
So when everything is happening at such a fast pace and sometimes you have to explicitly slow down, intentionally slow And so as I reflect on the last year, I realized that there were many signs that it was time for me to do something different, whether it was to do a different job, live in a different place, have different friends.
And as and that. It was a sign that the chapter was coming to a close, right? That's basically it. So if I had not been so in tune with myself and connected with the prayers that I knew I had asked for, I might have missed many of the opportunities that laid ahead. And the opportunities came with just a phone call and somebody just casually saying, Do you want to do this thing?
And me saying, Okay. Yeah. [00:13:00] And so there are so many opportunities that laid ahead that came about just that way. Hey, you want to do this? And then it turned into a bigger opportunity. And so that I would have missed those signs. I would have been. I would have told myself I was so tired. I was so burnt out and so afraid to take the chance and take the risk, right?
So I was tired, but I also was willing to take risks at this point. And then I needed to also give my self time to get clear headed and. The gift of time. If you can afford to give it to yourself, I say do it. Don't just leave a job and go to another job. Give yourself time to let the dust settle so that you're making clear headed decisions and the best decisions for your family.
And as an SMC, That is like a gift, right? And so I tell folks that I believe in God. And so my God has always had my back and that if I did the work, [00:14:00] even if I wasn't sure if I followed what I felt was my path or my purpose in life, and I acted with integrity and I treated people with kindness, that God would make sure that doors just flung themselves open for me.
And games would be played out in my favor. My faith is that strong and it hasn't. Let me down yet. And so I will just keep my eyes forward and just keep doing those things. And so with that being the case, as I made a hard pivot, I have managed to find the soft landings. So look for the soft landings. And that means that you don't have to make a final decision about your next move.
Now it can be an interim move. It can be a soft landing. to gather your thoughts and your resources before you make that next hard decision, right? So I didn't have a clear plan for what comes next in any of this, and I still don't really. And to be honest, I'm okay with [00:15:00] that. I do know that I have options and for that I'm so eternally grateful that I have options.
I've always managed to make the right connections and nurture those connections so that when I needed them they were already there and in place. I've managed to find the soft landings in life and if you knew my story you would be like, How are you still here? And I managed to find the good people in the world and goodness knows I'm always up for an adventure.
And so this has been nothing but an adventure, even as I, crawl my way through the Bushes, it's felt like such an adventure and I'm just like, Oh my gosh, if I can get to the other side of this, the stories I could tell, and I am not all the way on the other side of it, but I feel good.
This also allowed me time to reevaluate the life that I want. Now with everything that's been said and at the time that I'm recording this I'm thinking where does that leave me? So when you face the things [00:16:00] that scare you a lot I won't say it's the things that scare me the most But it's the things that scare me a lot and you do exactly what you want to do and you leave things unsaid You don't leave anything undone.
So to me, that's freedom. And I want more of that. I don't want to go back to being in chains. I don't want to go back to somebody demeaning me or somebody undermining me or team members. I don't want to go back to that. So I've been thinking a lot about the regrets in my life. While I don't have a lot, I do have a few, but one of those desires or regrets is that I've always wanted to live and work in another country.
And right now I feel really untethered, but in a good way. I don't feel that I have anything that's really locking me down. As long as I have my girl, my, my girls with me, my children with me, I can always reach out to friends, phone a friend, zoom a friend, visit a friend. And it's a good place to be. So I feel really clear headed and more empowered [00:17:00] than I've ever felt before to ask for what I want and get the things that I need.
So is this my chance to explore living someplace else? I don't know. We'll see. And I'm excited about the possibilities. And as I think about what comes next I don't really know, but I am going to bite the bullet again this year. And I'm going to take the children on another long trip. Maybe it's a scouting trip?
I don't know, but we're going to Mexico and we're going for another three week vacation, three or four weeks. We'll see, and I'm excited and very excited. So we are practicing Spanish. We are listening to the podcast. Eat your Spanish Duolingo. We are listening to another kind of immersive type of. Spanish CD for the kids.
And so we're doing this together. And for this trip, I am planning it completely on my own. Whereas last year I was planning with a friend. [00:18:00] So I am working off of some of the recommendations and guidance from the different expat communities in the travel spaces. So yeah, again, I'm nervous, but I'm doing it anyway.
Because really, you only get one life and I won't say always stare down the thing that you're scared of, but there are some things that it's just I can do this and if all you need is somebody to say, do it, come back and listen to this episode because I'm going to say everything, given everything.
We, we talked through everything and I'm just like, so if you're okay with those things and you have plans for those other things, do it. And so you only get one life. So I feel with this being the closing episode of season four, that I've really said most of what I needed to say about my SMC journey.
I've shared the advice that I felt was good, solid advice for people getting started on the SMC journey. People who are in the midst or getting started on their [00:19:00] parenting journey. I've met with, recorded with, and made some amazing friends. I can't tell you how sitting on this side of the podcast, You guys think that you get a lot of wonderful information, but I have to edit that down.
So I get all of the conversation, all of the wisdom, and it has been a real gift that I feel I have allowed myself to give myself. And so now that my children are getting older, I am also feeling, and with the way the world is, I'm also starting to feel a real need to protect them and protect their privacy.
And. Also explore other creative outlets for myself. So I am currently producing another podcast. So I like producing podcasts. So that's a service that I offer. So if you're interested in starting a podcast, reach out to me at start to finish motherhood, and I'm happy to talk and explore this as a, an [00:20:00] income stream for myself.
I am thinking about. Creating a podcast course coaching other podcasters, maybe. So the world is my oyster and it's all open and out there. So if you have ideas, if there's anything that you want me to do or contract me to do, please do hit me up and let me know. So I have enjoyed and really, truly have felt the support from my listeners.
I would not be here without you. And this is another thing that I did scared. And if you listen to me in my earlier few episodes, you could, I was trying to find my voice. And now I feel. I feel the love. So thank you. And so while this is not be goodbye forever, this could be a hasta luego for a bit while I decide what my next move is going to be, possibly what country I want to live in.
I am going to take a little bit of a hiatus to figure out what my next steps are going to be.
So while it's not goodbye, it is a, has luego for a bit, there might be a longer gap than intended in the next season of the podcast just until I figure out. What I want to do, possibly what country I want to live in. [00:21:00] So who knows? I'm really flexible and I'm excited about whatever adventure lies ahead for myself and my family.
Who knows?
Aisha: I'm really flexible and I'm excited. And if you're wondering what to do with the time that you would spend listening to Start to Finish Motherhood, I would say, consider re listening to the entire series straight through.
Feel free to check me out on my very first podcast series, which is called Black Single Mothers by Choice. That one, I had to slice and dice it in order to carve out my individual contributions, but it was a great series and another good experience. I learned a lot. You can check me out on my YouTube channel.
I do have some videos that I created from our trip to Sri Lanka, but I'm a bit behind on getting them out and getting them set up the way that I want to. But I will try to do that over the course of the rest of this year. Also, if you are not signed up for my mailing list. Go ahead and sign up for the mailing list, because I'll also be getting back to catching up on some of the blogs from the episodes that I did, just trying [00:22:00] to cover the different ways that people learn and take in information.
And there you have it. Until my next update, until next time, talk to you soon.
Thanks for listening to Start to Finish Motherhood with Aisha. If you want to keep the conversation going, follow Start to Finish Motherhood on Instagram, or email me at aisha at starttofinishmotherhood. com. If you loved this episode, please share it with anyone who's thinking of becoming a single mother by choice, anyone who's already parenting as a single mother by choice and just looking for advice on navigating it all, or a friend or family member who's looking to support someone else's single mother by choice journey.
Until next time, bye now.
