[00:00:04] Speaker A: Welcome to Start to Finish Motherhood, a.
[00:00:06] Speaker B: Podcast for those thinking or already Single Mothers by Choice. Just looking for practical advice for navigating life's relationships. When you decide to have children on your own, it doesn't mean that you're completely alone. I'm Aisha Jenkins and I'm partnering with you every step of your journey.
[00:00:25] Speaker C: Foreign.
[00:00:32] Speaker D: Well, this is the last of the Sri Lanka episodes and I was happy that I already had this meeting scheduled with my friend Regine to discuss happenings in the melanated Single Mothers by Choice Facebook community and then to discuss collaboration opportunities with her SMBC resources. So it was only fitting to do this quick debrief with her. So we got into the nitty gritty details of my trip, how much it cost, my unfiltered reviews, what did not go as planned. And so pretty much would I go back to Sri Lanka again? And did I think it was a worthwhile experience as a whole and so listen in as we debriefe.
[00:01:19] Speaker A: Yes, it was definitely what I needed and what I wanted. And the people I work with, I was able to tell them exactly what we wanted to do, what we wanted to experience, and they made it happen. And I posted in one of the single parent travel groups and they were like, how much did it cost? So I finally sat down and tallied up. So it came to pretty substantial, like 8.
[00:01:43] Speaker B: 8,000.
[00:01:44] Speaker A: But it's not that simple.
[00:01:46] Speaker C: You have, right? Yeah. For two kids and an adult. For the amount.
[00:01:51] Speaker A: Four days. Yeah, 24 days.
[00:01:54] Speaker C: But it's the lifetime memory that you created. So it's not the dollar amount, it's what were you able to create with $8,000?
[00:02:03] Speaker A: Yeah. So I went back and actually looked through some of the tour packages that were out there. And the tour packages, the longest that I saw was for 16 days and per person it was 4900. And so I was just like, oh, yeah. And so I was just like, yes, I did good. So I don't, I didn't feel like too bad, but I really needed the time to relax, relate, let somebody else worry about the cooking and the driving.
So with my friend, it was nice because he did the thinking because this is like his town. He's. We're going to do this. Are you okay with that? I was like, yes. I don't, I don't have to think, I don't have to plan.
[00:02:44] Speaker C: Did you get any childcare support while you were abroad?
[00:02:48] Speaker A: Not really. There were like the pool. Not really. Not anything that I purchased, like, no. No babysitting One of the hotels had, like, a. A kind of kids club where a childminder was there. And then I managed to find a couple of parks, and so the kids were able to just run and play. And I had. So I had to keep reminding the guys, because they were men, that kids need.
They need that unstructured play.
[00:03:20] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:03:20] Speaker A: And so we did a few times go to the parks, and then there were, like, a lot of botanical gardens, because apparently they love an English garden out there. So the kids got to run and smell. Smell the flowers and run up ahead.
[00:03:34] Speaker C: If you want to redo it. As much as you loved it and it was exactly what you wanted. What would you add to your trip?
[00:03:44] Speaker A: Let me see, what would I add? It would have been nice in those first two weeks if I had another adult who spoke English, because while I did have adults around me, English was not their first language. And it was. The driver was a male, and so it was just like. But if I had a girlfriend, but it would have removed some of my flexibility in terms of being able to plan last minute. So I do understand that some of the trade off. And toward the end of one of the stays, there was a group of black women. So wherever we were, I met the black women.
[00:04:19] Speaker C: Okay.
[00:04:19] Speaker A: And so for those things, it would have been nice to just have another adult. So that's why I did some Facebooking, like, at the end of the nights, or that's when I, like, put together the reels, because it was just nice to be in my head and I have adult conversation with myself.
So I think that would have been nice because when my friend joined us on the last week of the trip, it was nice to just have that banter and have somebody that I trusted so I can have a few shots and I could hand off the kids and, like, tag out. And, like, when I had to pack for. Or that last week, that last day, it was like, you take the kids, and I'm gonna go pack. That was a nice balance. And so that would be something I'd say if I had more time, find my person that I travel with, and we're on the same page. But we still would have, like, separate trips. But. But to have that experience laughing and drinking with another adult would have been nice, because these kids, even when we had a room that had two beds, they slept in my bed. And I'm just like, oh, my gosh.
[00:05:31] Speaker C: So when you're home, you're the comfort at the end of the day. I think as mothers, we just have to remember they're comfortable with us.
We think it's all the other things, but they still want to be in your bed, they still want to sit on your lap.
[00:05:47] Speaker A: And I'm just like, oh my gosh, if I could peel these little slugs off of me. And just. So that was nice. And I think, what else? So there was one location we went to where we took the train ride and so we drove all the way to that location to do. There was a pool club and we were supposed to do the train ride to our next destination and the driver was going to meet us on the other side. And that pool club, that was where I was just like, yeah, no, this is not about to happen. So there were two instances where I really felt that for a brown country they really catered to Europeans and their colonial background. And this was one of the locations. It was this pool club and it was supposed to be renowned, a place to be seen and you can have drinks and what have you. But when I got there, paid for everything, got there. So you get a two hour slot. And so I was waiting in line just to get towels. And so as I'm waiting, we're being interrupted by some half drunk European woman asking for whatever her order was. And they were, yeah, so they were like catering to her. And I'm standing there waiting, but as I'm waiting, I'm looking around and I don't see any kids. I see one or two kids here. And I was just like, oh, where's the kid pool? So then I go look at another spot and I was like, oh, the kid pool must be there. And that was like the VIP section. So I was just, excuse me, where are the kids going to go? And he's oh, right here. I was like, wait, you don't have a kid's pool? And he's just, no. So I'm looking at that pool, which is not even the biggest pool, but all these grown adults who are like half drunk, drinking, scantily clad and like young. And so I'm like, you went to.
[00:07:40] Speaker C: The club with your kids, that's what happened.
[00:07:42] Speaker A: Exactly. The cool club, like the Clue club. So I was just like, so no, so grab the kids. And I was just like, yeah, this is not going to work. So I told the guy, I just want a full refund. This is not going to work. So when I got to a Kitcher, they tried to act, oh, it's non refundable.
I said, oh no, what we're not going to do is this. We're about to have a Whole international incident, because it wasn't even about the cost. It was what I decide to do with my money. When I decide to give people my money, I'm gonna give it. But we're not going to take my money.
[00:08:19] Speaker C: We think we can. Yeah.
[00:08:21] Speaker A: So I was just like, yeah, no, that's not gonna work. I was like, let me talk to your manager. And they, you know, looking around like, I'm like, who's the main.
[00:08:29] Speaker C: Doesn't happen in foreign countries, right?
[00:08:33] Speaker A: We have to call and get. I was like, so I'll wait.
So they called and got the manager. And so she was just like, yes, I'll give you your. Your full refund. Because the guy was like. I was like, you stayed with me the entire time I waited on that line. It's not like I enjoyed the premises. And that's right, 20 minutes later, came back, I said, I haven't even undressed. I still have on my street clothes. My money is still warm. And you'll register.
[00:08:58] Speaker C: That's right.
[00:08:59] Speaker A: So that was only time where I felt like I had to apologize to the guy because I stood to my full African American, US Height. I was just like, we are about to have an international incident here.
[00:09:11] Speaker C: So I'm gonna speak up. I don't care whether you're used to it or not. I'm gonna say something.
[00:09:18] Speaker A: And what's funny is that's one of the things Noelle remembers. She's just, mommy, I was so proud of you because you were like, no, we are not doing this.
[00:09:28] Speaker C: She was proud. I love it.
[00:09:30] Speaker A: Go ahead, Noel. She was. And then the other time where I felt like they catered to Europeans was when we went to. We stayed at this really kind of European hotel. And so they. We were having high tea, and the server pretty much ignored us. He put our tea down. I didn't know how to use the tea pot steeper. But he wasn't there to help me figure it out. So I tried to pour it. It almost spilled filled on one of the girls. And so I was just like, oh. So maybe. Maybe it was just me. But then as I watched the progression for the rest of the afternoon, it was catering to Asian men, catering to European families. I didn't make a stink. So when it came to the end of the. Our experience, he gave me the bill where I had to wait for a pen. And I told him, I said, I'm not going to say anything, because I know. And if you were in a country where tourists is your business, like, you could get fired for someone being Unhappy with their service. And so I told him, I'm not going to say anything, but I don't tip for poor service.
And so he was just like, oh, no, what happened? So I just explained to him what my experience was. And I said, so for that reason, I'm not going to tip you. I'm going to pay for my meal. And then I'm going to go, yeah. And so he's just, oh, it's my fault. And I was like, yes, it is your fault, but I just wanted you to understand what my experience was. And so I just took the kids and left. Okay, that's not a.
[00:11:00] Speaker C: That's not.
He understood. Right.
[00:11:04] Speaker A: Did he apologize? He apologized. But it doesn't change what is the culture right. For that whole hotel and then how they view. So those are the only two incidents. And then they were real interesting about asking about African American hair. So they were like, oh, my gosh, it's so soft. So it wasn't off putting. Because it wasn't like, can.
[00:11:24] Speaker C: I mean, it's not off putting. I. When I was in China, people would come and touch my skin.
[00:11:30] Speaker A: Yeah. No, people were not touching me like I was a statue. So it was just like asking questions like, now the kids just pat her on the head. Yeah. But you really just trying to feel that braid.
[00:11:41] Speaker C: You know, it's a. It's an additional responsibility that we have as African American, particularly women, because I don't think they walk up to black men and do this. But to just, I. I dislike it. I have to understand the innocence of it sometimes when I'm in foreign countries. And also, it's also not my responsibility to educate you on what my hair does. You know what I'm saying? Find balance.
[00:12:06] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:12:07] Speaker C: No moments where I could smile about it, but finding myself more and more not wanting to have that conversation. When I paid my good little money to go to some foreign country that I saw on a map, and I thought it was a good idea for me to travel there.
[00:12:21] Speaker A: So. Yeah. So that didn't steal my joy. It was just. It was an interesting dynamic to be in a country of brown people. So that was comforting. And so I didn't feel like they were looking at me. Like, when you go to someplace like China, they're looking at you one because you're black, because you're. And your hair. Right. But it was just like, I could just. I can take the hair because it was just like, oh, it's so beautiful, blah, blah, blah. I can take that and then move on with my day. And then one time we went to the mall, and it was all of these brown people, so it just felt different, even though their brown was a different brown. And there were some people who were darker than me, of course. But the thing that distinguishes you as an African American woman is always going to be your hair texture. But from a distance, it's. I'm amongst people who could look like me. And. Yeah, so that was. It was nice. So it was definitely.
Only one thing I regret is that there was one pool where the water was so cold, but it was a deep pool, and I wish I had taken a dive in the deep end of that pool, but it was so cold, like, we were in the middle of the country. The kids were shivering, so they didn't even really get to enjoy that pool as much because it was chilly. But I think that is my only, like, regret.
[00:13:46] Speaker C: So you didn't live in the moment, in that particular moment to just go ahead, lunge, even if just once, the polar bear.
[00:13:54] Speaker A: Who knows?
[00:13:54] Speaker C: You would have walked away with that with pneumonia and, you know, like, you can't.
[00:13:59] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:14:00] Speaker C: The lesson learned is to live in the moment and do the thing right then and there, because you never know when you'll have that opportunity again.
[00:14:07] Speaker A: Right. Yeah. Yep. So, all in all, it was a wonderful trip. Yeah.
[00:14:12] Speaker C: I'm so happy for you. It's. It's one of those things that even as a solo mom, I tell myself I want to do that once in a lifetime adventure with my child. Like, those are important things.
[00:14:22] Speaker A: I don't know.
[00:14:23] Speaker C: You're creating memories. You're building. Like, my mom struggled or she didn't struggle, but my mom made sure I experience a, B, and C. Right. So as much for me, my father gave me the gift of travel. That's the one thing, no matter what, that I always give him credit for. His passion for worldly travel. I inherited. I have gone. It was never a thing for me to just pick up and go somewhere foreign, get lost, find your way home. You don't have to have a plan. You don't have to have a schedule. Doing that is something that I inherited, and I'm looking forward to passing it on to my son.
[00:15:02] Speaker A: Yes. Yes. So.
[00:15:04] Speaker B: So, yeah, so.
[00:15:05] Speaker A: So there. There was that. And thank you for holding down the. The home front.
[00:15:10] Speaker C: I love the conversations on the Forum. So that was. You said it was easy, and I was nervous about messing it up. And I was like, no, it's easy.
[00:15:17] Speaker A: It's a simple no. And I think coming from the other group, I think we more. So appreciate the space. And it's just. It's just friends. And then the new people, they're. They come in and they're watching, so it just feels different. It feels warm. And so, yeah, okay, I'm going to stop and then we can get into the business of the business.
Thanks for listening.
[00:15:46] Speaker B: To Start to Finish Motherhood with Aisha if you want to keep the conversation going, follow Start to Finish Motherhood on Instagram or email
[email protected] if you love this episode, please share it with anyone who's thinking of becoming a single mother by choice. Anyone who's already parenting as a single mother by choice and just looking for advice on navigating it all. Or a friend or family member who's looking to support someone else's single mother by choice journey. Until next time. Bye now.
